I don’t know about you, but I have always understood a “good mood” to equate feeling positive or happy. Man, was my mind blown when I realized that a mood is good when it properly expresses our current emotional experience. For example, if I have been struggling with parenting for a time with no working solution, my mood may be resolute and a bit sad. That is an appropriate mood! Our mood should reflect our experiences. Let’s not confuse hard feelings as a “bad mood”. If a person’s emotional state aligns with their life experiences, their mood is appropriate. That’s a good/accurate mood!
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One of the contributors to our stress is the lack of creating sacred time to breathe. Perhaps we expect mindfulness to just HAPPEN… But, the reality is that we will have to be intentional about centering and recentering ourselves often. The 4-7-8 breathe allows us to breathe deep and exhale with purpose. Come back to this page as often as you need to hold space with yourself!
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Finding someone to be the hand we hold when things get hard isn’t as easy as one might think. So, when we find that someone, may we be filled with gratitude. And, when we have the strength, may we be the hand for someone else.
This quote perfectly highlights the importance of self-assertion and personal autonomy. Boundaries are extremely personal and unique to each and every one of us and may not be understood or easily accepted by others. The good news is: that’s okay! As long as the boundaries you have in place serve you and your needs, they are necessary. It is important that we meet our own needs before attempting to accommodate the needs of others. After all, you cannot pour from an empty cup! Are there any personal boundaries that you hesitate to share due to fear of others’ reactions?
Establishing clear and rigid boundaries is important in maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. Unfortunately, it can be challenging to create such rigid boundaries, as it requires assertiveness, effective communication, and the ability to navigate potential conflicts or pushback from others. However, by making our boundaries non-negotiable, it helps establish expectations, promotes respect, and protects against potential harm. Take a look at this infographic for tips on rephrasing some commonly used responses to someone challenging our boundaries. Consider replacing one “ineffective” phrase with an “effective” phrase this upcoming work-week and reflect on how you feel in the moments following.
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Post by @classicreelsmemes
Many caregivers, particularly women, are often made to believe they have a responsibility to live up to the idea of the “super-parent” figure. From taking care of the household to maintaining a career and exercising daily; this person does it all. While this “super-parent” is catering to the needs of everyone around them, they tend to ignore their own. I am here to tell you, this “super-parent” is a myth. We, as individuals, each have personalized needs that must be met in order to maintain our personal well-being. By creating healthy, sustainable boundaries, we can give ourselves the grace to balance our energy and function at our full potential. You’re doing amazing, parents!
Remember Alyssa*? She was our case study in Part 1 of this series who struggled with obsessional thoughts around school which led to compulsive behaviors. She has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. Due to the school-related stressors she experienced, Alyssa began to exhibit compulsive behaviors which included hair pulling, or trichotillomania. Today, we will explore the reality of the “C” in OCD – compulsions – what triggers them and how they may present. But, before we do, let’s have a side bar….
Trichotillomania…What is That??
Perhaps you have heard of trichotillomania before; in fact, you may have even heard of it in the context of OCD. Many people assume that it is simply a symptom of OCD. It is important to note that while hair pulling can be a compulsive behavior associated with OCD, it is not always related to OCD. Trichotillomania is a stand-alone diagnosis where the compulsion to pull one’s hair or skin is the primary expression of the disorder. Meanwhile, the compulsions seen in OCD are usually related to obsessional thinking and can included many actions one may take to assuage them.
Compulsions: Triggers and Presentation
Compulsions are repetitive actions that people with OCD have in response to an obsession. Compulsions can be physical or mental. They are rarely rational or logical in action; they are performed out of an overwhelming need to react to the anxiety induced by obsessional thoughts. We know that obsessive thinking is usually the primary trigger for compulsive behaviors. As a quick recap, the focus of obsessive thoughts may be:
A fear of being contaminated by germs, viruses, body fluids, or chemicals
Fear of losing control of your body, thoughts or behavior with ruminations about how our lack of control could hurt others, accidentally or on purpose
Undesired sexual thoughts, acute or chronic, that may include thoughts, or images that are disturbing
Moral obsessions, particularly fear of not being “holy” or ethical enough
Preoccupation with order, design and having things occur in very specific ways
Compulsive behaviors are usually chronic and intrusive. Once the mental connection is made between the thought and action, it is extremely difficult to dissuade the behavior. Compulsive behaviors might include:
Washing hands excessively or excessively cleaning objects to eliminate perceived contamination
Checking things repeatedly for reassurance
Excessive religiosity or zealotry
Chronic counting, tapping or use of certain colors to ward off anxiety
Rigidly following routines regardless of their effectiveness
Hoarding behaviors from fear of loss
Ways to Manage OCD Compulsions
Now that we have identified signs and symptoms of OCD, what can we do to manage them? First, be willing to learn. With education, parents can help their children understand themselves better and build confidence in their ability to cope with OCD-related challenges. Next, use your resources. Consider what your child will need to effectively manage their symptoms and connect with those who can help you and your child. Their pediatrician, therapist, psychiatrist, school counselor are just a few people who can help you get the assistance you need to help. Remember, with the right interventions, your child can live a productive and fulfilling life. There is HOPE!
*Alyssa is a fictional character created to convey a person with OCD.
Reality. Ah, yes, that illusive experience that we all are trying to grasp. What is reality, exactly? Is it simply our lived experiences or is our perception of our lived experiences? Is it what has happened to us or is it how we understand our happenstance? Consider this: maybe it is HOW we see life that is the most powerful ‘reality’. If Neale Donald Walsch is correct, what are our thoughts telling us about our life? More importantly, how are our thoughts shaping our reality right now?
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By: @believephq
We generally think that addressing the existential challenges we face will guarantee a healthier mind but there are more important and practical steps we should consider first. Explore things like our sleeping and eating habits, how we are connecting in relationships and taking advantage of the opportunities to learn and grow FIRST. Believeperform.com created this beautiful infographic that looks at ways that will enhance our mind and improve our mental health.
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We do not always have control over how our brains remember things. While we wish we could delete some memories all together and hold on to others in all their vibrant color, we aren’t able to guarantee such an outcome. What we can do, though, is to be intentionally thankful for the right now moments, find joy in our present experiences and store how we feel in our heart. Mindfully connect with our emotions and allow ourselves to sit in gratitude for those experiences. When we live this way, our heart becomes a shelter of goodness and carries us through.
Imagine a 10-year-old, let’s call her June, is returning to school after a summer spent with her family. While June claims she is looking forward to her 5th grade year, she complains about having a stomachache the day before orientation. The physical symptoms continue to escalate as school begins. Soon, June begins to have outbursts in class as she struggles to manage her feelings. Her mother is surprised, as this is unusual behavior for June. June’s teachers soon begin to report that, despite her intelligence, she has trouble sitting still and staying on task. Now, her grades are falling and she avoids homework. June begins to grow irritable around her family and friends. She becomes easily frustrated and overwhelmed when presented with tasks around the house. At this point, Mom is incredibly concerned so she schedules an appointment with the therapist who tells her about a condition called school anxiety.
The Elements of School Anxiety
School anxiety is a common concern among children in both traditional and nontraditional school settings. School anxiety can significantly impact a child’s academic performance, social interactions and overall well-being. Parents play a crucial role in identifying the signs and symptoms of school anxiety among their children and taking the actions necessary to support them. By becoming knowledgeable on the signs of school anxiety, parents can take the first step in meeting their child’s needs. Let’s address three of the most consistent signs that your child may be struggling with school anxiety:
Reluctance or refusal to attend school, often accompanied by tantrums or meltdowns.
School avoidance is a common sign of school anxiety; children who struggle with attending may find it extremely difficult to get out of bed, to get ready for school and/or to transport to school. They may plead to stay home and experience an overwhelming stress response when remaining home is not an option.
Somatic reactions
It is quite common for children who struggle with school anxiety to feel “sick” – tummy aches, headaches, nausea, etc. – and experience those intense feelings in the morning before school, before tests or presentations.
Inattention and/or restlessness
Not to be confused with ADHD, school anxiety is driven by worry about classroom expectations and obligations. It can present passive – daydreaming, unfocused or looking ‘lost’ during instruction – or with overt behavior such as fidgeting or pacing in the classroom.
Top Three Tips: Managing School Anxiety
If either of these signs are sounding familiar, don’t panic! Here are two tips for overcoming the symptoms of school anxiety:
Create a space for open communication and active listening.
Encourage your child to share their school experience with you. Give space for any concerns they may have about school such as social interaction, academic performance and other school experiences.
Validate their feelings.
While our parent brain seeks to immediately eliminate anything that causes our child discomfort, it is important that we allow them to express their feelings and affirm to them that it is normal to feel anxious at times.
Create a morning routine or timetable.
Creating and maintaining a morning routine for getting up, getting dressed, having breakfast and departing from the house can help ease the tension building up to school mornings. Minimizing uncertainty can help them start the day with less stress and more confidence.
You are not alone!
Parents and caregivers, it is important to remember that school anxiety is a common challenge that many children face. You are taking the first significant step in overcoming this challenge by learning and growing with your child, understanding what they need and advocating for them. Keep in mind, you are not alone! Together, we can create a brighter future for your child, where they can thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. Remember that you are doing an incredible job as a parent, and your love and support make a world of difference. Stay hopeful, stay strong, stay informed, and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Stay tuned Part 2 of “Does My Child Have School Anxiety?” Recognizing and Addressing School Anxiety in Children!
Alyssa, an 11-year-old, has picked up a habit. Her caregiver noticed that while working on math homework, Alyssa plucks strands from her hair. Upon closer view, her caregiver noticed that Alyssa now has a small bald spot near her temple. Feeling alarmed, they explore what is happening and learn from Alyssa that plucking at the strands of hair helps her do well in Math. She believes that she must pluck hair in a particular spot in order to maintain progress in class. Alyssa experiences the most satisfaction when pulling hairs there as she understands that the action is key to her success. When encouraged to stop pulling, she stated that she cannot because, if she did, she would fail Math for the school year.
This is an example of OCD.
OCD Defined
Photography: Keira Burton
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is an anxiety-related mental health disorder in which people experience pattern of unwanted thoughts, feelings, and fears that lead to repetitive behaviors. Today, we will focus on the O – Obsessions – in OCD. Many people with OCD experience obsessive ruminations, where they find themselves struggling to move through unhelpful thoughts. Try as they might, they feel confounded and overwhelmed by these intrusive thoughts. Obsessions can impair the ability to function and negatively impact the capacity to work, relate and live fully. While symptoms can vary from person to person, our purpose is to explore how it typically manifests in children.
Obsessions in Children can relate to:
Disproportionate fear and/or avoidance of germs or dirt
Preoccupation with losing or forgetting things
Overwhelming need for organization
Intrusive thoughts of violence or harm, whether as perpetrator or victim
Obsessive thoughts regarding rules or order.
Extreme need for rigid morality.
Remember, these obsessions are repetitive and intrusive. The thoughts are not based in reality. They are generally unwanted thoughts that intrude on your life and make it difficult to function. They don’t have to make sense or be logical; they just need to be distressing for you.
The Impact of OCD
Unfettered, obsessive thoughts can begin to impair your child’s daily functioning. The continual intrusions can lead to compulsive behaviors and disrupt their mood and relationships. The impact of OCD can look like:
Inconsistent sleep hygiene
Anxious or depressed mood
Poor emotional regulation
Withdrawn presentation
School Anxiety
Separation Anxiety
Social challenges
Body Dysmorphia
Agoraphobia
These symptoms and more can be very challenging for a child with OCD. In Part 2 of this series, we will explore compulsions and the impact they have on a child’s mental and emotional health. Until then, what can you do if you think your child may struggle with OCD symptoms?
Parent Tip: How to Respond to Obsessive Thinking
If your child is showing signs of OCD – Obsessions:
Speak with your child about their thoughts. Talk in a supportive way and listen, while showing love.
Make an appointment with a therapist with training in treating OCD.
Be an active part in your child’s therapy.
Identify community resources that may provide your child with guidance and support
Parents, it can be hard to watch your child struggle with the challenges associated with OCD. It is important to recognize that it is not your fault. It will require you to become educated on the diagnosis so that you can best help your child. With compassion and understanding, you can help your child acknowledge and deal with their obsessive tendencies without shame. You can be a part of their healing and celebrate their efforts to live a more enriched life.
From the outside, the symptoms of school anxiety can look like challenging behaviors that can leave us flustered. While it is easy to become preoccupied with the obvious behaviors, let’s get curious – what is this behavior REALLY about? This visual shows us how the noticeable behaviors and physical symptoms can a sign of deeper challenges. Once we take a closer look beneath the surface, we may find the real issues and find ways to address them. Think it out – what challenges you when trying to see below the surface? And once we unveil what is below the surface, what can we do with what we find?
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Instagram; @all_five_senses
Seeing your child experience school anxiety can often bring up lots of worry for us! It is hard to watch your child struggle with worry and confidence at school. Just remember, you are not alone! You are part of a parent community who want to help their child succeed. Check out this graphic by creator @all_five_senses for some easing back-to-school anxiety tips. Which do you think would work best for your child?
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Instagram: @reillydodd
Providing our children with the space and tools to alleviate symptoms of school anxiety can be difficult to navigate. While we try our best to provide a nurturing environment for our children to thrive, it is important to remember that not every day is going to be a great one. And. That. Is. Okay. Each day is another chance to start over and that is something to be grateful for. You got this!
Hi, y’all!!! It’s been a WHILE since I have connected with you all here! Life has been so full of adventure, revelations and new paths since my last post and there is SO much to tell you! One of the things I can say now is that the journey over the past two years have been incredible. If I can say one thing about life, it is to EXPECT CHANGE! Have you experience this in your life, this inevitably of change? How has it impacted you? I am looking forward to exploring how much life has taught me regarding life, love, parenting and all the things!
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When things feel overwhelming and we want to give up and go home, consider this: the way we heal is by taking the process one step at a time, not leap-frogging into the healing ‘end zone’. With this in mind, consider all of the steps you have taken so far. Can you look back and see how far you’ve come? When we realize that we have made serious moves in the right direction, the journey may not feel so impossible! So, continue to walk. You’ve got this!
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Thank you for your support! Whether by reading my blogs, following me on social media, referring clients to my practice, you have been constant and I am so thankful for all of you! I am looking forward to sharing time with you!
When I first saw this, I belly laughed so hard and started crying. This year, y’all!! So much has happened, some good, some bad,and, yes, even some ugly. I know that there were days when we weren’t sure if we could survive the chaos yet, day after day, we dusted ourselves off and went for the gold again. Click the link and have a giggle! You deserve to celebrate what you’ve overcome!
Now, let’s take a moment and lean into our resilience, courage and support system that got us this far. If we learned anything this year, we know that we are stronger than we think and can survive life’s harshest storms. Take a moment to relish in this reality: You are a beautifully brave human being and the world is blessed to have you. ❤️
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🎨: @crazyheadcomics
Still shopping for the person who wants nothing or already has everything? Instead of overcompensating with something expensive, consider giving them something meaningful instead!
Crazyheadcomics gives us an amazing list of thoughtful presents that reminds both us and our loved ones that value of slowing down. Are there any other inspiring gifts that didn’t make this list yet promotes mindful self-compassion? If so, drop them in the comments; I would love hear about them!
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It has not being an easy year by any stretch of the imagination, but I am eternally grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the steps I took to grow. Part of that growth extends into my blog and what I feel it is evolving into. So, while I definitely plan to enjoy this holiday season, I will also use the time to put the finishing touches on a NEW & IMPROVED perspective for the Mindful Monday blog and will be relaunching it in mid-January! If there is something special you would like me to explore, let me know! I love you guys and wish you the happiest of holidays! ❤️
That last line, though! “Be gentle with yourself.” The holidays, as wonderful as they can be, can also be really difficult for many of us. Instead of adding to the burgeoning pressure of the holidays, let us be intentionally gracious to ourselves and allow all of the feelings that come with this time of year. You are not alone in this. We are walking this road together.
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Credit: @simplysophiedesigns
Holiday pressures can include trying to contort to the unreasonable expectations of ourselves or others. This may be a great time to assess our social connections, our personal relationships and our own irrational expectations of the world around us. Perhaps it’s time to let some things go. Or, maybe it’s time to introduce new people, places and things into our lives. Regardless, this is a great time to ensure that we are not holding on to things that do us no good. Find the courage to let some things go!
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Credit: @thekindmindclub
Intentional gratitude takes effort but reaps extraordinary rewards. I am thankful for breath today. Another day to grow, connect and love well is a day to be grateful for. What are you thankful for today? Leave a comment below and let’s celebrate each other!
